Pastoral Counseling

I spoke to my pastor today. It went very well, actually. Looking back and knowing my pastor, I should've expected it to be exactly as easygoing as it was but it's kind of hard to tell your religious leader that you're having serious serious doubts and even considering leaving the church for something else.

Rather than disappointment, I received only support for my search and support in my final decision, whatever that may be. I don't know if my pastor is unusual or if they're all so cool but in either case, I'm happy to have such a resource at my disposal (I'm making my pastor sound like a book or a website, not a person).

We had a nice discussion and we agreed to meet more and I'll write more about it later. For now, I just wanted to break the news that I've told yet another person who knows me face-to-face and it's someone who will help answer my questions, clear up my misunderstandings, and argue theology with me.

Real People and a few Random Thoughts

Thus far, I've talked in person to a few Muslims about my search but not any Christians. When people see me in the mosque and I'm obviously not Muslim, they occasionally talk to me and, when they find out I'm Christian but considering converting, they offer to get together to talk. I figure it's definitely in my interest to go along and listen since my goal is to figure out the truth so I'm always more than willing to participate.

However, I've yet to talk to any Christians about my search; I think maybe I've been afraid of being judged. I've decided that now that the holidays are over and things are back to normal, I'll approach my pastor. I guess I had hoped that the anonymity of the internet could shield me from actually having to talk to anyone face to face but it's obviously not working as I had hoped. I suppose I could easily enough talk face to face with pastors, priests, and ministers of other churches but my pastor already knows me and, I would hope, would take more interest in me than somebody who doesn't.

On another note, I'm slowly making my way through the Quran. I restarted from the beginning a while ago, probably sometime in October. Just last night I finished the surah entitled "Hud." I'm not entirely sure but I think that's in the 12th or 14th of the 30 subdivisions. For those unfamiliar, the Quran is divided into surahs, which are similar to books in the Bible, the lengths of which can vary greatly. It is also divided up into 30 parts that are roughly equal in length to allow people to pace themselves to read the entire Quran during the month of Ramadan. In about three months, I'm almost half-way through, which means I'm way off pace. I'm not even reading the commentary or introductions that accompany it and I'm reading the English side, my native tongue. Obviously the pace doesn't really matter but I just figured I'd mention how incredibly slow I am.

Finally, I was imagining how a conversation with my friend might go regarding my search. I figured explaining it to someone else might help me organize my thoughts (the exact purpose of this blog.) While fake explaining it, I realized that the only things drawing me toward Islam are its beliefs regarding Christianity. It's not so much that I find myself believing Islam as I find myself doubting Christianity. However, aside from Judaism and Islam, I'm not very familiar with other religions that believe in the one God. I'm pretty sure there are some that, like Islam, believe in the prophethood of Jesus but deny his deity. I'd prefer to be something a little bigger and more recognized than some tiny, fringe religion but, in the end, all that matters is the truth, just like I've said time and time again. It shouldn't matter if I'm the only person as long as I know God's word and am following God's will.

I'll keep you posted on my progress with my pastoral meeting.