Yesterday I had mentioned that the Quran is divided into 30 parts. Each one is called a juz. I said that I was on the 12th or 14th, it turns out I'm on the 12th so I'm closer to a third of the way done than halfway.
Also, the khutba at jumuah today said something that I wanted to comment on but unfortunately I've forgotten what. I really need to carry a notebook around so that I will be able to remember the random thoughts that I sometimes have throughout the day.
Friday, January 11, 2008
Thursday, January 10, 2008
Real People and a few Random Thoughts
Thus far, I've talked in person to a few Muslims about my search but not any Christians. When people see me in the mosque and I'm obviously not Muslim, they occasionally talk to me and, when they find out I'm Christian but considering converting, they offer to get together to talk. I figure it's definitely in my interest to go along and listen since my goal is to figure out the truth so I'm always more than willing to participate.
However, I've yet to talk to any Christians about my search; I think maybe I've been afraid of being judged. I've decided that now that the holidays are over and things are back to normal, I'll approach my pastor. I guess I had hoped that the anonymity of the internet could shield me from actually having to talk to anyone face to face but it's obviously not working as I had hoped. I suppose I could easily enough talk face to face with pastors, priests, and ministers of other churches but my pastor already knows me and, I would hope, would take more interest in me than somebody who doesn't.
On another note, I'm slowly making my way through the Quran. I restarted from the beginning a while ago, probably sometime in October. Just last night I finished the surah entitled "Hud." I'm not entirely sure but I think that's in the 12th or 14th of the 30 subdivisions. For those unfamiliar, the Quran is divided into surahs, which are similar to books in the Bible, the lengths of which can vary greatly. It is also divided up into 30 parts that are roughly equal in length to allow people to pace themselves to read the entire Quran during the month of Ramadan. In about three months, I'm almost half-way through, which means I'm way off pace. I'm not even reading the commentary or introductions that accompany it and I'm reading the English side, my native tongue. Obviously the pace doesn't really matter but I just figured I'd mention how incredibly slow I am.
Finally, I was imagining how a conversation with my friend might go regarding my search. I figured explaining it to someone else might help me organize my thoughts (the exact purpose of this blog.) While fake explaining it, I realized that the only things drawing me toward Islam are its beliefs regarding Christianity. It's not so much that I find myself believing Islam as I find myself doubting Christianity. However, aside from Judaism and Islam, I'm not very familiar with other religions that believe in the one God. I'm pretty sure there are some that, like Islam, believe in the prophethood of Jesus but deny his deity. I'd prefer to be something a little bigger and more recognized than some tiny, fringe religion but, in the end, all that matters is the truth, just like I've said time and time again. It shouldn't matter if I'm the only person as long as I know God's word and am following God's will.
I'll keep you posted on my progress with my pastoral meeting.
However, I've yet to talk to any Christians about my search; I think maybe I've been afraid of being judged. I've decided that now that the holidays are over and things are back to normal, I'll approach my pastor. I guess I had hoped that the anonymity of the internet could shield me from actually having to talk to anyone face to face but it's obviously not working as I had hoped. I suppose I could easily enough talk face to face with pastors, priests, and ministers of other churches but my pastor already knows me and, I would hope, would take more interest in me than somebody who doesn't.
On another note, I'm slowly making my way through the Quran. I restarted from the beginning a while ago, probably sometime in October. Just last night I finished the surah entitled "Hud." I'm not entirely sure but I think that's in the 12th or 14th of the 30 subdivisions. For those unfamiliar, the Quran is divided into surahs, which are similar to books in the Bible, the lengths of which can vary greatly. It is also divided up into 30 parts that are roughly equal in length to allow people to pace themselves to read the entire Quran during the month of Ramadan. In about three months, I'm almost half-way through, which means I'm way off pace. I'm not even reading the commentary or introductions that accompany it and I'm reading the English side, my native tongue. Obviously the pace doesn't really matter but I just figured I'd mention how incredibly slow I am.
Finally, I was imagining how a conversation with my friend might go regarding my search. I figured explaining it to someone else might help me organize my thoughts (the exact purpose of this blog.) While fake explaining it, I realized that the only things drawing me toward Islam are its beliefs regarding Christianity. It's not so much that I find myself believing Islam as I find myself doubting Christianity. However, aside from Judaism and Islam, I'm not very familiar with other religions that believe in the one God. I'm pretty sure there are some that, like Islam, believe in the prophethood of Jesus but deny his deity. I'd prefer to be something a little bigger and more recognized than some tiny, fringe religion but, in the end, all that matters is the truth, just like I've said time and time again. It shouldn't matter if I'm the only person as long as I know God's word and am following God's will.
I'll keep you posted on my progress with my pastoral meeting.
Wednesday, December 26, 2007
More Law
I feel like law, Jewish, sharia, or other, is a topic that comes up way too much on this site. Law is not the spirit of a religion but simply a result of it. If everyone were to follow the spirit perfectly, the law would be unnecessary. If there were no theft, murder, adultury, greed, jealousy, or hate, there would be no need for laws. I should be addressing the spirit underlying the different religions. However, as all religions have basically the same intentions and I'm not trying to differentiate between goals but between authenticity, I have to analyze what I can. Since much of the Bible addresses law, I'll analyze it. I'll just save spirit for another day.
Jesus said:
This quote, more than any other that comes to mind at the moment, worries me. If Jesus did not come to change the law then why don't Christians adhere to the stricter set of laws followed by Judaism? I've heard and read that Jesus' sacrifice fulfilled the "until everything is accomplished" clause of the above quote but that seems to completely ignore the "until heaven and earth disappear" clause. It seems to me from the current state of the Earth that there is still much to be accomplished. I could easily accept that Jesus' second coming with accomplish all that there is to be accomplished. He will raise the dead, separate good from evil, and bring about God's kingdom here on Earth. At that point, all will be living in God's paradisial utopia where there is no law because no law is necessary. Everyone loves and respects each other and praises God perfectly. At that point, not only is Jesus' job complete but the current heaven and earth will have disappeared to be replaced by the new Eden.
It would be more convincing if Jesus had, after his resurrection, then begun ignoring the Mosaic laws but I know no mention of Jesus or his disciples doing so until later when the apostles began preaching to the Gentiles who did not follow Judaic law. I suppose it could be argued that Jesus had not completed his task at the time of the resurrection and did not do so until his ascension. However, the fact that the Mosaic laws held firm until conversion of the Gentiles began makes me question the validity of throwing away the Mosaic laws.
This didn't stop me from eating our Christmas ham this week. As I said, unless I convert, I'm sticking with Christianity, which means I drink wine and eat ham. However, these thoughts and questions are floating around my head through any of these questionable activities.
Jesus said:
Do not think that I have come to abolish the Law or the Prophets; I have not come to abolish them but to fulfill them. I tell you the truth, until heaven and earth disappear, not the smallest letter, not the least stroke of a pen, will by any means disappear from the Law until everything is accomplished (Matthew 5:17-18).
This quote, more than any other that comes to mind at the moment, worries me. If Jesus did not come to change the law then why don't Christians adhere to the stricter set of laws followed by Judaism? I've heard and read that Jesus' sacrifice fulfilled the "until everything is accomplished" clause of the above quote but that seems to completely ignore the "until heaven and earth disappear" clause. It seems to me from the current state of the Earth that there is still much to be accomplished. I could easily accept that Jesus' second coming with accomplish all that there is to be accomplished. He will raise the dead, separate good from evil, and bring about God's kingdom here on Earth. At that point, all will be living in God's paradisial utopia where there is no law because no law is necessary. Everyone loves and respects each other and praises God perfectly. At that point, not only is Jesus' job complete but the current heaven and earth will have disappeared to be replaced by the new Eden.
It would be more convincing if Jesus had, after his resurrection, then begun ignoring the Mosaic laws but I know no mention of Jesus or his disciples doing so until later when the apostles began preaching to the Gentiles who did not follow Judaic law. I suppose it could be argued that Jesus had not completed his task at the time of the resurrection and did not do so until his ascension. However, the fact that the Mosaic laws held firm until conversion of the Gentiles began makes me question the validity of throwing away the Mosaic laws.
This didn't stop me from eating our Christmas ham this week. As I said, unless I convert, I'm sticking with Christianity, which means I drink wine and eat ham. However, these thoughts and questions are floating around my head through any of these questionable activities.
Tuesday, December 25, 2007
Merry Christmas
At the moment I'm visiting my parents for Christmas. My siblings are here visiting as well so we're all together as a family, which is a blessing.
While attending church with my family this Sunday and again this evening for Christmas Eve, I've been hit by some pretty hard feelings. As I've mentioned in the past, should I convert, I expect the holidays and family events to be the hardest parts. I haven't converted, the family events are wonderful, but the holiday is still a little tough. Truthfully, my eyes watered and I almost cried a few times while at church at the thought of leaving behind everything that I've believed for so many years.
I've decided that Islam appeals to the mind whereas Christianity appeals to the heart. The thing I like about Islam is that the contradictions of Christianity appear to be accounted for; there's no Trinity to boggle the mind. Obviously, faith is required but it is much more straightforward and well laid-out. However, when attending jumuah, I've never once had the feeling of spiritual communion with God that I often have while attending church services.
Jumuah consists of a lesson, prayer, and fellowship. They're informational and effective; you learn, you pray, you be friendly to your neighbors; in the prayers I assume the usual praise, concerns, and thanks take place but it's not a very joyful atmosphere. Church, on the other hand, has all of the above but adds spirit. Besides just listening to the readings and the sermon, the congregation participates in the sacraments and gives praise through song. The entire package is a much more spiritual experience than jumuah. I'm sure there are also spiritual Islamic events, I've been told that hajj is a very powerful experience, but jumuahs, at least the ones I've attended, aren't.
Spirituality is an important part of religion but it can definitely go overboard. However, religion lacking spirituality is simply dry rules and regulations; it's law. I can't accept a religion without spirituality but, on the other hand, there needs to be substance behind the spirit. Both have substance but at the moment I'm having trouble unraveling Christianity's. I'm able to understand Islam's substance but can't find the spirit.
In any case, I need to wrap it up for the night so Merry Christmas or Happy Eid!
While attending church with my family this Sunday and again this evening for Christmas Eve, I've been hit by some pretty hard feelings. As I've mentioned in the past, should I convert, I expect the holidays and family events to be the hardest parts. I haven't converted, the family events are wonderful, but the holiday is still a little tough. Truthfully, my eyes watered and I almost cried a few times while at church at the thought of leaving behind everything that I've believed for so many years.
I've decided that Islam appeals to the mind whereas Christianity appeals to the heart. The thing I like about Islam is that the contradictions of Christianity appear to be accounted for; there's no Trinity to boggle the mind. Obviously, faith is required but it is much more straightforward and well laid-out. However, when attending jumuah, I've never once had the feeling of spiritual communion with God that I often have while attending church services.
Jumuah consists of a lesson, prayer, and fellowship. They're informational and effective; you learn, you pray, you be friendly to your neighbors; in the prayers I assume the usual praise, concerns, and thanks take place but it's not a very joyful atmosphere. Church, on the other hand, has all of the above but adds spirit. Besides just listening to the readings and the sermon, the congregation participates in the sacraments and gives praise through song. The entire package is a much more spiritual experience than jumuah. I'm sure there are also spiritual Islamic events, I've been told that hajj is a very powerful experience, but jumuahs, at least the ones I've attended, aren't.
Spirituality is an important part of religion but it can definitely go overboard. However, religion lacking spirituality is simply dry rules and regulations; it's law. I can't accept a religion without spirituality but, on the other hand, there needs to be substance behind the spirit. Both have substance but at the moment I'm having trouble unraveling Christianity's. I'm able to understand Islam's substance but can't find the spirit.
In any case, I need to wrap it up for the night so Merry Christmas or Happy Eid!
Tuesday, December 4, 2007
Christmastime
Now that Christmas season is upon us, I'm having recurrences of guilt about my exploration of Islam. I feel like I'm betraying Jesus, whom I've come to love deeply throughout my life. From the earliest years of my life I'd been attending Sunday school, singing "Jesus Loves Me," celebrating his birth, mourning his death, and rejoicing at his resurrection. He's been my Lord and Redeemer and I kind of feel like I'm just dropping him for the new guy.
Obviously, there's no need to feel guilty if Jesus was actually the Muslim version of Jesus rather than the Christian version. If Jesus was only a prophet and not the earthly incarnation of God, then as God's prophet he wouldn't want to be worshiped. This, of course, brings us back to the root of the problem... was Jesus simply a prophet or was Jesus the Son of God, sacrificed for our sins, resurrected on the third day?
Even though Easter is the most important holiday in Christianity, Christmas is always the season that most reminds me of Christianity. Although Christmas has been overly commercialized and many people go through the Christmas season without ever giving a thought to the reason for the holiday, the decorations, food, and music are a constant reminder to those who are conscious of the reason. The rest of the year it's easy to lose sight of God. Most of society is secular and one has to work to keep God in focus. During Lent it's a little easier because fasting is a constant reminder; I'm sure Ramadan is the same. However, during Christmas, secular society hangs out all sorts of reminders of God and Jesus.
More important than the community traditions are my family traditions, which are probably pretty common among American families. What makes them important is that they are my best memories. As a child, I spent my everyday with my immediate family but the holidays were also spent with my extended family, which made them special. We'd get dressed up, have nice meals, go to candlelight vesper services at church, and gather together to open presents and play games. Now, that my siblings and I are adults and scattered around the country, the holidays are one of the few times I see my family each year and I just keep adding to my best memories. Without Christmas, I wouldn't have any special time with my family. I could still visit but the chances of all of us being together at once is slim without a special occasion as a catalyst. Even if it did happen, the magic of Christmas would be missing.
Truthfully, without family, this whole process would be much easier. It's not that my friends won't question me; I wouldn't be surprised if a few are absolutely horrified. However, I don't hold them on the same level as my family. I've gained and lost friends in the past but one can't just make new family. My parents brought me into this world and raised me. They made me who I am and gave me so so much. Growing up with my siblings, they were always my closest friends. Of course we fought plenty but now they're my closest friends.
However, my relationship with God comes above my relationship with anyone else so, if it comes to that, it's a sacrifice I'll have to make.
Obviously, there's no need to feel guilty if Jesus was actually the Muslim version of Jesus rather than the Christian version. If Jesus was only a prophet and not the earthly incarnation of God, then as God's prophet he wouldn't want to be worshiped. This, of course, brings us back to the root of the problem... was Jesus simply a prophet or was Jesus the Son of God, sacrificed for our sins, resurrected on the third day?
Even though Easter is the most important holiday in Christianity, Christmas is always the season that most reminds me of Christianity. Although Christmas has been overly commercialized and many people go through the Christmas season without ever giving a thought to the reason for the holiday, the decorations, food, and music are a constant reminder to those who are conscious of the reason. The rest of the year it's easy to lose sight of God. Most of society is secular and one has to work to keep God in focus. During Lent it's a little easier because fasting is a constant reminder; I'm sure Ramadan is the same. However, during Christmas, secular society hangs out all sorts of reminders of God and Jesus.
More important than the community traditions are my family traditions, which are probably pretty common among American families. What makes them important is that they are my best memories. As a child, I spent my everyday with my immediate family but the holidays were also spent with my extended family, which made them special. We'd get dressed up, have nice meals, go to candlelight vesper services at church, and gather together to open presents and play games. Now, that my siblings and I are adults and scattered around the country, the holidays are one of the few times I see my family each year and I just keep adding to my best memories. Without Christmas, I wouldn't have any special time with my family. I could still visit but the chances of all of us being together at once is slim without a special occasion as a catalyst. Even if it did happen, the magic of Christmas would be missing.
Truthfully, without family, this whole process would be much easier. It's not that my friends won't question me; I wouldn't be surprised if a few are absolutely horrified. However, I don't hold them on the same level as my family. I've gained and lost friends in the past but one can't just make new family. My parents brought me into this world and raised me. They made me who I am and gave me so so much. Growing up with my siblings, they were always my closest friends. Of course we fought plenty but now they're my closest friends.
However, my relationship with God comes above my relationship with anyone else so, if it comes to that, it's a sacrifice I'll have to make.
Thursday, November 29, 2007
The Silent Blogger is open to YOUR suggestions!!!
I haven't posted anything in a good long while. I had been very busy with some deadlines leading up to Thanksgiving. Now, I'm back to my normal schedule, still busy as always but with enough spare time to breathe and do a few other activities.
Thus, I've been meaning to and wanting to post for the last week but I'm unable to think of anything to say. I've been doing my usual reading, recently mostly the Quran with some Bible thrown in. I haven't read anything else like my occasional history or theology from any of my random sources. I've been going to church and jumuah like usual but nothing there has inspired me or made me wonder. I know there was at least one thing I read that I wanted to comment on but I didn't write it down and I've long since forgotten. It's very possible that the same has happened with sermons and khutbahs.
I don't think I'm in a slump of any sort; I just don't have anything to say at the moment. Therefore, I'm reaching out to my readers for suggestions. If you have anything you think I should look at or if there's anything relevant that's been on your mind, please suggest or comment. I really always intended on this being more of a forum than a blog, mostly because I was seeking advice and encouragement, so I'll steer more in that direction for the time being.
On that note, I also intend to look back over my old posts and their accompanying comments to see if they can get my brain working again. One comment suggested I talk to my local clergy in person and make use of the intimacy of one-on-one conversations that is lacking in online forums. I do intend to do that but I'm going to put it off until after Christmas just because I'd rather not have the many interruptions on both of our parts that accompany the season.
So for now, I'll just continue on my way doing my usual thing, reading and thinking. I actually do talk to people in person sometimes but it's a very select few and they're not formally trained in theology, just another lay person like myself.
Until I post again, which hopefully will be soon, peace be with you.
Thus, I've been meaning to and wanting to post for the last week but I'm unable to think of anything to say. I've been doing my usual reading, recently mostly the Quran with some Bible thrown in. I haven't read anything else like my occasional history or theology from any of my random sources. I've been going to church and jumuah like usual but nothing there has inspired me or made me wonder. I know there was at least one thing I read that I wanted to comment on but I didn't write it down and I've long since forgotten. It's very possible that the same has happened with sermons and khutbahs.
I don't think I'm in a slump of any sort; I just don't have anything to say at the moment. Therefore, I'm reaching out to my readers for suggestions. If you have anything you think I should look at or if there's anything relevant that's been on your mind, please suggest or comment. I really always intended on this being more of a forum than a blog, mostly because I was seeking advice and encouragement, so I'll steer more in that direction for the time being.
On that note, I also intend to look back over my old posts and their accompanying comments to see if they can get my brain working again. One comment suggested I talk to my local clergy in person and make use of the intimacy of one-on-one conversations that is lacking in online forums. I do intend to do that but I'm going to put it off until after Christmas just because I'd rather not have the many interruptions on both of our parts that accompany the season.
So for now, I'll just continue on my way doing my usual thing, reading and thinking. I actually do talk to people in person sometimes but it's a very select few and they're not formally trained in theology, just another lay person like myself.
Until I post again, which hopefully will be soon, peace be with you.
Sunday, November 11, 2007
Quiet
Although I'm still busy and will be so until Thanksgiving rolls around, I've kept up with my reading to a lesser extent. I've had a few thoughts that I'll address sometime later when I have a bit longer.
However, for now, I just wanted to express something that struck me this morning in church. Throughout this process, I've been doing lots of reading and lots of talking. The reading helps me to be informed, the talking helps me to organize my thoughts and provide entertainment for my one reader, not to mention that I get valuable feedback that helps me further refine my thoughts. I've prayed lots for all my regular things but also a ton for guidance. I ask for forgiveness and patience during my time of wandering and confusion. Mostly, however, I ask to be led to God's truth, to God's path. I ask God to teach me right from wrong, to help me not to be misled by those who, intentionally or out of ignorance, point me in the wrong direction. I've been asking and begging and pleading and talking and talking and talking but just this morning I realized that I haven't really stopped to listen.
Whatever I'm reading, of course, speaks to whatever my current thoughts and concerns are. Often I find that reading is simply another form of listening. However, my prayers are just concerns, requests, complaints, and praises. I never take the time to allow God to use my prayer as a two-way communication medium.
So from now on, I'm going to try to give myself an extra few minutes whenever I explicitly pray* to just clear my head and listen. I suppose it's basically meditation but I prefer to think of it as changing my prayer from a monologue directed at God to a dialogue with God. Religion is all about one's relationship with God and a dialogue between two people seems much more indicative of a relationship than one person talking at another.
* Explicit prayer meaning when I stop and pray with the sole intention of praying as opposed to praying throughout my day during my regular, daily activities. I've been trying to keep God on my mind and in my heart all the time rather than just an occasional thought whenever I pray. If you truly love, honor, respect, and fear God, then you shouldn't have to actively think about Him, he should be in everything you think, say, and do without trying.
However, for now, I just wanted to express something that struck me this morning in church. Throughout this process, I've been doing lots of reading and lots of talking. The reading helps me to be informed, the talking helps me to organize my thoughts and provide entertainment for my one reader, not to mention that I get valuable feedback that helps me further refine my thoughts. I've prayed lots for all my regular things but also a ton for guidance. I ask for forgiveness and patience during my time of wandering and confusion. Mostly, however, I ask to be led to God's truth, to God's path. I ask God to teach me right from wrong, to help me not to be misled by those who, intentionally or out of ignorance, point me in the wrong direction. I've been asking and begging and pleading and talking and talking and talking but just this morning I realized that I haven't really stopped to listen.
Whatever I'm reading, of course, speaks to whatever my current thoughts and concerns are. Often I find that reading is simply another form of listening. However, my prayers are just concerns, requests, complaints, and praises. I never take the time to allow God to use my prayer as a two-way communication medium.
So from now on, I'm going to try to give myself an extra few minutes whenever I explicitly pray* to just clear my head and listen. I suppose it's basically meditation but I prefer to think of it as changing my prayer from a monologue directed at God to a dialogue with God. Religion is all about one's relationship with God and a dialogue between two people seems much more indicative of a relationship than one person talking at another.
* Explicit prayer meaning when I stop and pray with the sole intention of praying as opposed to praying throughout my day during my regular, daily activities. I've been trying to keep God on my mind and in my heart all the time rather than just an occasional thought whenever I pray. If you truly love, honor, respect, and fear God, then you shouldn't have to actively think about Him, he should be in everything you think, say, and do without trying.
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