I don't have anything substantial to say; I just wanted to complain a bit. Sometimes I wish I had never learned anything about Islam so I could've continued living in my state of ignorance and bliss. I was so much happier when I thought I knew what was right. Now that I'm uncertain, I'm always in an uncomfortable situation. I don't know what to believe when I'm at church, I don't know what to believe when I'm at jumuah, I'm in my state of unrest and confusion at all times throughout my day and I rarely get a real break; most distractions only allow me to push it to the back of my thoughts but not forget about it completely. I'm worried about how my life will change. I'm worried about the reactions of my family and friends. I'm worried, of course, about the state of my eternal soul.
Actually, sometimes when doing all this reading and thinking and considering and worrying, it occurs to me that completely giving up on religion would be so much easier. I could still live as a good person but I could sleep late on Sundays and not have to rearrange my lunches on Fridays. I wouldn't have to deal with this internal struggle about which path is correct because I'd be walking my own path. It would be so much easier in so many ways but I can't do it because I know that God, who made the entire universe and created me for a purpose, wants me to love and worship him. Anyway, I'm done whining for now.
Showing posts with label religion. Show all posts
Showing posts with label religion. Show all posts
Monday, February 25, 2008
Thursday, January 10, 2008
Real People and a few Random Thoughts
Thus far, I've talked in person to a few Muslims about my search but not any Christians. When people see me in the mosque and I'm obviously not Muslim, they occasionally talk to me and, when they find out I'm Christian but considering converting, they offer to get together to talk. I figure it's definitely in my interest to go along and listen since my goal is to figure out the truth so I'm always more than willing to participate.
However, I've yet to talk to any Christians about my search; I think maybe I've been afraid of being judged. I've decided that now that the holidays are over and things are back to normal, I'll approach my pastor. I guess I had hoped that the anonymity of the internet could shield me from actually having to talk to anyone face to face but it's obviously not working as I had hoped. I suppose I could easily enough talk face to face with pastors, priests, and ministers of other churches but my pastor already knows me and, I would hope, would take more interest in me than somebody who doesn't.
On another note, I'm slowly making my way through the Quran. I restarted from the beginning a while ago, probably sometime in October. Just last night I finished the surah entitled "Hud." I'm not entirely sure but I think that's in the 12th or 14th of the 30 subdivisions. For those unfamiliar, the Quran is divided into surahs, which are similar to books in the Bible, the lengths of which can vary greatly. It is also divided up into 30 parts that are roughly equal in length to allow people to pace themselves to read the entire Quran during the month of Ramadan. In about three months, I'm almost half-way through, which means I'm way off pace. I'm not even reading the commentary or introductions that accompany it and I'm reading the English side, my native tongue. Obviously the pace doesn't really matter but I just figured I'd mention how incredibly slow I am.
Finally, I was imagining how a conversation with my friend might go regarding my search. I figured explaining it to someone else might help me organize my thoughts (the exact purpose of this blog.) While fake explaining it, I realized that the only things drawing me toward Islam are its beliefs regarding Christianity. It's not so much that I find myself believing Islam as I find myself doubting Christianity. However, aside from Judaism and Islam, I'm not very familiar with other religions that believe in the one God. I'm pretty sure there are some that, like Islam, believe in the prophethood of Jesus but deny his deity. I'd prefer to be something a little bigger and more recognized than some tiny, fringe religion but, in the end, all that matters is the truth, just like I've said time and time again. It shouldn't matter if I'm the only person as long as I know God's word and am following God's will.
I'll keep you posted on my progress with my pastoral meeting.
However, I've yet to talk to any Christians about my search; I think maybe I've been afraid of being judged. I've decided that now that the holidays are over and things are back to normal, I'll approach my pastor. I guess I had hoped that the anonymity of the internet could shield me from actually having to talk to anyone face to face but it's obviously not working as I had hoped. I suppose I could easily enough talk face to face with pastors, priests, and ministers of other churches but my pastor already knows me and, I would hope, would take more interest in me than somebody who doesn't.
On another note, I'm slowly making my way through the Quran. I restarted from the beginning a while ago, probably sometime in October. Just last night I finished the surah entitled "Hud." I'm not entirely sure but I think that's in the 12th or 14th of the 30 subdivisions. For those unfamiliar, the Quran is divided into surahs, which are similar to books in the Bible, the lengths of which can vary greatly. It is also divided up into 30 parts that are roughly equal in length to allow people to pace themselves to read the entire Quran during the month of Ramadan. In about three months, I'm almost half-way through, which means I'm way off pace. I'm not even reading the commentary or introductions that accompany it and I'm reading the English side, my native tongue. Obviously the pace doesn't really matter but I just figured I'd mention how incredibly slow I am.
Finally, I was imagining how a conversation with my friend might go regarding my search. I figured explaining it to someone else might help me organize my thoughts (the exact purpose of this blog.) While fake explaining it, I realized that the only things drawing me toward Islam are its beliefs regarding Christianity. It's not so much that I find myself believing Islam as I find myself doubting Christianity. However, aside from Judaism and Islam, I'm not very familiar with other religions that believe in the one God. I'm pretty sure there are some that, like Islam, believe in the prophethood of Jesus but deny his deity. I'd prefer to be something a little bigger and more recognized than some tiny, fringe religion but, in the end, all that matters is the truth, just like I've said time and time again. It shouldn't matter if I'm the only person as long as I know God's word and am following God's will.
I'll keep you posted on my progress with my pastoral meeting.
Monday, November 5, 2007
Religous Extremists
This is a topic that needs to be addressed at some point so I might as well have a go at it now. This part isn't so much for me as for critics who would immediately point at radical Islam and ask how I could even consider it as my religion.
My answer to that question is that it's very easy when you realize that radical Islam is just as representative of true Islam as radical Christianity is representative of true Christianity. By radical Christianity, I don't mean pro-life Catholics or born-again Biblical literalists, I mean the kind who take radical measures like bombing abortion clinics or missionaries who torture the natives into accepting Christianity or kill them in the process.
Even most non-Muslims are aware that the terrorist acts performed in the name of Islam are condemned by most of the Muslim world. However, the strict enforcement of what is called Sharia law is opposed by many conservative Muslims as well. I'm obviously far from well-educated when it comes to Islam but I think that many of the current oppressive Islamic regimes go against the teachings and spirit of Islam in their practices.
For instance, one issue that is frequently raised against Islam is its treatment of women. Even though Muslims will tell you that Islam glorifies women and promotes fair treatment of women, that is not the case in many Muslims countries. However, these strict laws are not taught by Islam but are simply the result of Muslim societies creating overly-strict laws by extending Islamic rules or simply perpetuating strict cultural practices and claiming that they are required by Islam.
The following quote is from this article on CNN about men and women at Hajj.
In fact, Christianity has a long history of oppressing women that only recently ended. Without having to do any research, I knew Paul's statement that women should not speak in church and should ask their husbands any questions once they are in the privacy of their own homes. However, once I started doing a little research, it appears that Jewish and Christian teachings about women are usually more oppressive than the Islamic teachings. This article addresses many women's issues from Jewish, Christian, and Islamic perspectives with many quotes from the Bible and the Quran as well as rabbis and saints. Of all the topics addressed: education, impurity of women, witnessing, adultery, vows, property, divorce, motherhood, widowhood, polygamy, and the head cover, with the exception of the head cover, Islam actually does more to protect women and ensure their rights than Judaism and Christianity. When it comes to head coverings both Judaism and Christianity have a tradition of women covering their heads. There is nothing mentioned in the Old Testament, although there are apparently rabbinic teachings requiring head coverings. In the New Testament women are instructed to cover their heads when praying, a practice that is still observed by many older Orthodox women, I've noticed, but it makes no mention of their daily lives.
We ignore the fact that Christian culture, in its modernization, has gone against Biblical teachings about women and pushed for gender equality. For some reason, we choose not to treat Islam equally and blame the backwards state of certain Islamic regimes as culture but we blame it on the religion instead. If we go back to the Bible and even Christian tradition and look at Christianity rather than modern Christian cultures, we see that Christianity affords fewer rights to women than Islam.
My main point, throughout all this, is that the extreme practices, teachings, and actions done in the name of Islam does not fairly reflect the religion. Similarly, just because modern "Christian" countries have modernized and ensure certain rights to people does not mean that Christianity necessarily promotes those ideals. I guess, in summary, I'm saying to judge a religion first on its teachings and second on its followers and try to distinguish between those who truly practice the religion from those who carry out their own wishes in the name of that religion.
This post has somehow turned mostly into a discussion of women in Islam, although I believe that terrorist Islamic thinking is simply the extreme form of the same train of thought that leads to oppression of women. If terrorism needs to be addressed as its own subject, I can return to that later but I feel this expresses my general thoughts on religious extremism in general.
When it comes to Islamic extremism, people usually think of Taliban Afghanistan or Iran but I believe Saudi Arabia even goes far beyond Islamic teachings in its oppression of women. Islam's laws try to promote respect toward women by keeping them from being objectified as sexual objects. This requires a basic amount of modesty. Likewise, Islam teaches men to avoid tempting situations so as not to have impure thoughts. However, not permitting women to travel alone or drive cars is taking that to a far extreme. Just as the primary opinion is that a women's face and hands may be exposed for practical purposes, it is only practical to allow women to move about to conduct daily tasks. How can a woman work if she cannot travel without her husband? (Remember that Mohammad's first wife, Khadija, was a business woman.) Similarly, how can a non-working woman run errands, go shopping, take the kids to the doctor, or accomplish anything if she is always tied to her husband? I know my mom had a full time job just being a mom; if my dad had to accompany her while also keeping his employment, he never would have slept.
I'm interested in what Muslims have to say about this. I'm sure most think that the Taliban are extreme but will they sympathize with my opinions about Saudi as well?
(As a footnote, I feel like this post was even less connected and logical than most; maybe I'm just out of practice after such a long pause.)
My answer to that question is that it's very easy when you realize that radical Islam is just as representative of true Islam as radical Christianity is representative of true Christianity. By radical Christianity, I don't mean pro-life Catholics or born-again Biblical literalists, I mean the kind who take radical measures like bombing abortion clinics or missionaries who torture the natives into accepting Christianity or kill them in the process.
Even most non-Muslims are aware that the terrorist acts performed in the name of Islam are condemned by most of the Muslim world. However, the strict enforcement of what is called Sharia law is opposed by many conservative Muslims as well. I'm obviously far from well-educated when it comes to Islam but I think that many of the current oppressive Islamic regimes go against the teachings and spirit of Islam in their practices.
For instance, one issue that is frequently raised against Islam is its treatment of women. Even though Muslims will tell you that Islam glorifies women and promotes fair treatment of women, that is not the case in many Muslims countries. However, these strict laws are not taught by Islam but are simply the result of Muslim societies creating overly-strict laws by extending Islamic rules or simply perpetuating strict cultural practices and claiming that they are required by Islam.
The following quote is from this article on CNN about men and women at Hajj.
"Why do Muslim women seem to have fewer rights than their men?"
In theory, they don't. For about 1,500 years, women under Islamic laws have had rights that might have surprised their counterparts in other religions, such as the right to independent wealth and property -- which can even be kept private from a woman's husband. One staunch feminist living in Saudi Arabia pointed out in an interview that the arrival of Islam, particularly in Middle Eastern countries, actually improved conditions for women. She said before then, the pagan, often nomadic, tribes treated women like easily discarded property. Islam set standards that looked after women's interests and protected them from men.
In fact, Christianity has a long history of oppressing women that only recently ended. Without having to do any research, I knew Paul's statement that women should not speak in church and should ask their husbands any questions once they are in the privacy of their own homes. However, once I started doing a little research, it appears that Jewish and Christian teachings about women are usually more oppressive than the Islamic teachings. This article addresses many women's issues from Jewish, Christian, and Islamic perspectives with many quotes from the Bible and the Quran as well as rabbis and saints. Of all the topics addressed: education, impurity of women, witnessing, adultery, vows, property, divorce, motherhood, widowhood, polygamy, and the head cover, with the exception of the head cover, Islam actually does more to protect women and ensure their rights than Judaism and Christianity. When it comes to head coverings both Judaism and Christianity have a tradition of women covering their heads. There is nothing mentioned in the Old Testament, although there are apparently rabbinic teachings requiring head coverings. In the New Testament women are instructed to cover their heads when praying, a practice that is still observed by many older Orthodox women, I've noticed, but it makes no mention of their daily lives.
We ignore the fact that Christian culture, in its modernization, has gone against Biblical teachings about women and pushed for gender equality. For some reason, we choose not to treat Islam equally and blame the backwards state of certain Islamic regimes as culture but we blame it on the religion instead. If we go back to the Bible and even Christian tradition and look at Christianity rather than modern Christian cultures, we see that Christianity affords fewer rights to women than Islam.
My main point, throughout all this, is that the extreme practices, teachings, and actions done in the name of Islam does not fairly reflect the religion. Similarly, just because modern "Christian" countries have modernized and ensure certain rights to people does not mean that Christianity necessarily promotes those ideals. I guess, in summary, I'm saying to judge a religion first on its teachings and second on its followers and try to distinguish between those who truly practice the religion from those who carry out their own wishes in the name of that religion.
This post has somehow turned mostly into a discussion of women in Islam, although I believe that terrorist Islamic thinking is simply the extreme form of the same train of thought that leads to oppression of women. If terrorism needs to be addressed as its own subject, I can return to that later but I feel this expresses my general thoughts on religious extremism in general.
When it comes to Islamic extremism, people usually think of Taliban Afghanistan or Iran but I believe Saudi Arabia even goes far beyond Islamic teachings in its oppression of women. Islam's laws try to promote respect toward women by keeping them from being objectified as sexual objects. This requires a basic amount of modesty. Likewise, Islam teaches men to avoid tempting situations so as not to have impure thoughts. However, not permitting women to travel alone or drive cars is taking that to a far extreme. Just as the primary opinion is that a women's face and hands may be exposed for practical purposes, it is only practical to allow women to move about to conduct daily tasks. How can a woman work if she cannot travel without her husband? (Remember that Mohammad's first wife, Khadija, was a business woman.) Similarly, how can a non-working woman run errands, go shopping, take the kids to the doctor, or accomplish anything if she is always tied to her husband? I know my mom had a full time job just being a mom; if my dad had to accompany her while also keeping his employment, he never would have slept.
I'm interested in what Muslims have to say about this. I'm sure most think that the Taliban are extreme but will they sympathize with my opinions about Saudi as well?
(As a footnote, I feel like this post was even less connected and logical than most; maybe I'm just out of practice after such a long pause.)
Tuesday, September 4, 2007
More about me
For me, religion had always served its purpose very well. It provided a source of peace, happiness, comfort, and joy. It helped me through tough times and provided an outlet for thanks during happy times. It kept me grounded in many ways, guiding me toward a good way of living and steering me clear of certain disasters.
Now that I've hit this patch of uncertainty in my life, some of that remains but I've also lost some. I still try to live a good life as any religion promotes. However, in my confusion, I've misplaced my joy and comfort. I feel like I'm still a good person but I'm living a life without purpose. I hate not knowing what I believe because I feel like it's the same as not believing anything.
My wandering has turned religion from a spiritual pursuit to a strictly academic one. Until I find God again, I can't find peace. Only then, after I've rediscovered God, can my reading change from seeking religion to seeking guidance and peace. I still pray regularly because God is God, regardless of anything, but they're always slightly tainted with the fact that my vision of God has changed from mysterious in a miraculous, spiritual way to mysterious in a dark, shadowy way. I know He's there but I no longer know anything about him.
I know many people would ask why I'm fretting over this. The unspiritual portion of society would see my doubt and ask why not just ditch religion. Why bother wasting time on something that has been handed down through the generations and has no scientific evidence. Luckily, those among me who are spiritual understand my longing even if they don't share in my uncertainty. Even the most pious person has fleeting doubts about God; whether it's human nature or Satan or modern society, it happens so even they should understand my longing for truth, my yearning for God, and my doubts. Unfortunately, my doubts have just taken a greater hold of me and shaken my beliefs beyond quick repair.
I couldn't stand to live in a world without religion. Some things would definitely be easier; I wouldn't have to bother getting up early on my weekends for church, I could live a looser, freer life without having to worry about morality (although even without morals those behaviors usually carry other consequences,) if everyone believed in the same nothing, there would be no disagreement about what to believe. However, even in my most scientific mode, there must be a God. I can't believe that all of existence is an accident, that life and humanity and art and beauty and love came about as a result of a few random occurrences. Because of God, there is a wonderful universe and through God we have the means to admire it.
One doesn't have to be a Biblical literalist to believe that God created all existence. It is possible to believe in both God and science, regardless of what people might tell you. I'm obviously not an extremist in either sense. I'm neither a religious extremist nor a scientific extremist. I believe that the Big Bang was started and guided by God, I believe that the Earth formed over billions of years under God's supervision, I believe that life was created by God's hand and evolved to it's current state, and I believe that man was created by God with a special spark, a soul that is meant to love each other and to love and worship Him.
I hate that religion is so often depicted as stupid and backwards and I equally hate how religion so often refuses to accept things that are new and different. I especially hate how religion is used as an excuse to perpetrate some of the worst crimes in history. Religion is about guidance and peace and love. There will always be people who disagree, people who are different, but religion teaches love and acceptance. You'll never show people the way or guide them to the truth by killing or enslaving them. Hate only breeds more hate but love will eventually wear cracks in the shell that encrusts people's hearts and will find a place to grow. If you are spreading love, people will accept your love and if you are speaking truth, eventually people will listen.
I feel like I've rambled enough. Hopefully, I'll get into something more meaty next time.
Now that I've hit this patch of uncertainty in my life, some of that remains but I've also lost some. I still try to live a good life as any religion promotes. However, in my confusion, I've misplaced my joy and comfort. I feel like I'm still a good person but I'm living a life without purpose. I hate not knowing what I believe because I feel like it's the same as not believing anything.
My wandering has turned religion from a spiritual pursuit to a strictly academic one. Until I find God again, I can't find peace. Only then, after I've rediscovered God, can my reading change from seeking religion to seeking guidance and peace. I still pray regularly because God is God, regardless of anything, but they're always slightly tainted with the fact that my vision of God has changed from mysterious in a miraculous, spiritual way to mysterious in a dark, shadowy way. I know He's there but I no longer know anything about him.
I know many people would ask why I'm fretting over this. The unspiritual portion of society would see my doubt and ask why not just ditch religion. Why bother wasting time on something that has been handed down through the generations and has no scientific evidence. Luckily, those among me who are spiritual understand my longing even if they don't share in my uncertainty. Even the most pious person has fleeting doubts about God; whether it's human nature or Satan or modern society, it happens so even they should understand my longing for truth, my yearning for God, and my doubts. Unfortunately, my doubts have just taken a greater hold of me and shaken my beliefs beyond quick repair.
I couldn't stand to live in a world without religion. Some things would definitely be easier; I wouldn't have to bother getting up early on my weekends for church, I could live a looser, freer life without having to worry about morality (although even without morals those behaviors usually carry other consequences,) if everyone believed in the same nothing, there would be no disagreement about what to believe. However, even in my most scientific mode, there must be a God. I can't believe that all of existence is an accident, that life and humanity and art and beauty and love came about as a result of a few random occurrences. Because of God, there is a wonderful universe and through God we have the means to admire it.
One doesn't have to be a Biblical literalist to believe that God created all existence. It is possible to believe in both God and science, regardless of what people might tell you. I'm obviously not an extremist in either sense. I'm neither a religious extremist nor a scientific extremist. I believe that the Big Bang was started and guided by God, I believe that the Earth formed over billions of years under God's supervision, I believe that life was created by God's hand and evolved to it's current state, and I believe that man was created by God with a special spark, a soul that is meant to love each other and to love and worship Him.
I hate that religion is so often depicted as stupid and backwards and I equally hate how religion so often refuses to accept things that are new and different. I especially hate how religion is used as an excuse to perpetrate some of the worst crimes in history. Religion is about guidance and peace and love. There will always be people who disagree, people who are different, but religion teaches love and acceptance. You'll never show people the way or guide them to the truth by killing or enslaving them. Hate only breeds more hate but love will eventually wear cracks in the shell that encrusts people's hearts and will find a place to grow. If you are spreading love, people will accept your love and if you are speaking truth, eventually people will listen.
I feel like I've rambled enough. Hopefully, I'll get into something more meaty next time.
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